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How Bad do you Want it?

Filed Under: Life, law of attraction
Feb.23, 2010

No matter what it is you are reaching for – a new job, a relationship, something material like a new house or car, the perfect vacation, weight loss, or any other goal that takes hard work and dedication to obtain – you must ask yourself one important question: How bad do I want it?

When I was actively working with Arbonne International (an all natural health and wellness company) I was told numerous times to “find your why.” What they were asking of me is to nail down exactly what was motivating me to succeed. For some people, the motivation was about being in a job they hated and they were looking for something more enjoyable. For others, the motivation was a bit stronger – they were homeless and living out of their car and found Arbonne as a way to earn a living. What the leaders found is that when our motivation is fueled by something major (like being homeless) we are much more likely to succeed! In cases like that, failure really isn’t an option. But if we are motivated by something not so urgent, like perhaps we just want extra money to purchase more material things or we want better vacations, we tend to give up when the going gets tough. The motivation must be enough to push you through the tough times.

I have found this lesson of finding your why to be valuable in all aspects of my life. When something is right for you or meant to be – it grabs you! It grabs your attention and you’ll find it difficult to ignore. What I’ve learned is that when something grabs me – I feel confident in pursuing it. If it doesn’t grab me – I’ll likely pass it by. I’ve used this to make important decisions and not so important decisions. So far, I’ve been very happy with the results.

When I first met Mark, everything in my head told me I was not being wise to move so quickly and everyone around me told me the same thing. But Mark grabbed my heart and I had no choice but to throw caution to the wind and run with it! It has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my entire life. He is perfect for me and we clearly have a perfect marriage! So if it was such a great decision, why was I advised against it? Because it’s common knowledge that you should never make a major decision while going through a trauma, especially big ones like death and divorce! Mark and I were both experiencing fresh traumas and had no business jumping into something so serious when we clearly weren’t able to think rationally. Thank God we jumped! He grabbed my heart and still has it.

The next time you are deciding on a goal, ask yourself how bad you want it. The answer may determine your success with it. Either way, it’s always good to have your why nailed down so that you can pull it out as a reminder when things get tough. And remember, when something really grabs your heart – run with it!

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One Bad Attitude spoils the whole bunch

Filed Under: law of attraction
Feb.22, 2010

Have you ever had to work with someone who had a bad attitude about their work? They didn’t like their boss, they didn’t like their job, and in fact, they didn’t seem to like their life. How did it affect their work? How did it affect your job? More importantly, how did it affect your attitude? It does seem to be contagious, right?

Positive = Positive Negative = Negative

It is amazing how much of a connection there is between our attitudes and our circumstances and yet most people fail to see how they can turn things around simply by changing their attitude. Instead of seeing that our circumstances are affected by our attitudes, most people think their attitudes are affected by their circumstances. So they sit around a wait for their circumstance to change so that their attitude will change. They have it backward!

We can’t always control our circumstances but we can always control our attitudes. And since changing our attitude may be all that is necessary to change the circumstance, why isn’t it first on our to-do list?

The first step in making an attitude adjustment is to listen to yourself. What are you thinking? What are you saying to yourself? What are you saying to others? (“Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Luke 6:45) The types of statements or complaints you, make either outwardly or inwardly, reveals the condition of your attitude. First, find out what condition your attitude is in – then fix it.

The second step in fixing your attitude is to change your perspective. This is very important because we tend to become Captains of Me Planet. In other words, especially when we are in a bad attitude, we see everything according to how it affects US. By shifting your perspective, you can often change your attitude. How would you view this situation if you were the boss, or you were your spouse, or you were your child? Ask yourself what’s not obvious. (This may look bad, but what do I not see that is good about it?) What’s on the other side of this problem? How could this be worse, then be thankful that it’s not! Step outside your emotions and view the situation as though you were a 3rd party. All of these are effective ways to changing your perspective.

The third step in changing your attitude is make sure you are getting enough sleep and proper rest. It’s simply too difficult to remain in control of your emotions, change your perspective, and clean up your attitude if you are physically tired. Take care of your body. Feed yourself well. This will help you take care of your mind, will, and emotions.

The last step is to take breaks from the circumstances when needed. Persistence is very important, but sometimes you need a break. Don’t feel bad about that either. Think of it as necessary R & R. You’ll find that after a good break, you will come back to the situation with renewed strength and a better attitude!

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Practicing What I Preach

Filed Under: Life
Feb.19, 2010

Yesterday, shortly after I wrote the post about dealing with negative emotions, I was presented with the opportunity to practice what I preach. Come to think of it, that happens a lot! You’d think I would learn to only write about easy things…but I’m a sucker for a good learning opportunity.

Anyway, just a few hours after writing that post, I came across some information that produced all sorts of icky feelings. I was mostly angry. I was reminded about someone who not only betrayed me personally, but also imposed a great deal of damage on my family. (I hate it when that happens!) So there I was, angry – which made me more angry because I had left work early to enjoy the sunshine! Now there I was feeling anger instead of working on my golf swing.

So, I decided that I would enjoy the emotion and I set a time limit on it. I actually set the timer on the oven (I gave myself an hour). Then I figured out how to enjoy it! It was easy because I happened to be home alone (with my dogs) and so I was able to really rant, rave, and say words I wouldn’t normally say in front of other people. I called someone who wouldn’t mind hearing me gripe and I wrote an email confessing that I was just bitching. Then the timer sounded. I was so glad to hear it. It was over.

I went through this event without losing any self confidence or self respect. I didn’t beat myself up for falling into the trap of angry feelings. I didn’t lecture myself that I should know better or be above this. I simply went with it. When the time was up – it was all out of my system and I felt great! Ha! Who needs revenge when you have this tool to deal with it?

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How to become more self confident

Filed Under: Life
Feb.19, 2010

Yesterday I wrote about the importance of self-confidence and its nemesis – fear. Today, as promised, I want to offer a couple of steps that have helped me to increase my self-confidence and reduce the amount of fear in my life.

We all have bad days and weak moments. Sometimes we have negative emotions that are caused by faulty thinking patterns. Other times our negative emotions are caused by biological factors such as hormone levels, poor nutrition, or lack of exercise. But whatever is the cause, when you find yourself feeling down – one of the best things you can do with that emotion is accept it (with limitations). Too many times we beat ourselves up and chastise ourselves for being human. Rather than feeling bad or feeling guilty that you are experiencing a negative emotion, such as depression, why not accept it for what it is and perhaps even enjoy it! What? Let me explain –

Sometimes when I am feeling down or blue for no apparent reason, I try to refrain from judging myself and I accept that I have a negative feeling. Then I decide what I can do to enjoy the fact that I feel like a victim. I mean seriously, if you are going to feel that way, you may as well make the most of it. So I make a mental note of how I can enjoy the experience – but then, and here’s the key, I put a time limit on it!

“Just for today, I will be as depressed as I feel like being. I will lay around in my pajamas and not do any house work. I’ll watch television all day. I will eat as much chocolate as I want without feeling guilty. I will not exercise. I will not reach out to any of my friends or family.”

Almost always, I end up not doing it for the limited time (one day) but while I’m doing it, I enjoy it. It sounds crazy, but give it a try! The next day will be much better and you will have grown in confidence because you didn’t beat yourself up for being down. You will likely face the day with more confidence because you know that if you fail, you will be nice to yourself!

If you find yourself in a rut of negative emotions, here’s another quick exercise that usually works: When you wake up in the morning, put a huge smile on your face (even if it’s fake) and list 10 things you are most grateful for. Do this before you get out of bed. It sets the tone for the entire day. It’s a great habit to have for every day!

Here’s one more exercise that will build your confidence, especially if you do it every evening!

Aristotle said “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” If you get into habits I’m describing and become excellent – how much more reason to have confidence?

Every evening before you fall asleep, have an honors ceremony in your mind. Visualize yourself on a stage receiving an award for your accomplishments of the day. They don’t have to be big accomplishments – just take the time to acknowledge some of the things that make you a good person. An example:

“Today I am being honored for: getting up on time, eating healthy meals all day, not yelling at that person, cleaning the bathroom, making a dental appointment, complimenting someone’s outfit, and wearing my seatbelt in the car.”

Again, it may sound crazy, but the first step in gaining confidence is learning to be nice to yourself. By refraining from judging yourself harshly and taking time to honor all the little things you do, you are becoming more loving toward yourself. Until you love yourself, you simply cannot love others. Remember when I said that fear is the opposite of self confidence? Well, how do we get rid of fear?

The first step in eradicating fear is explained in the Bible: “….perfect love casts out all fear….” I John 4:18. If you want further explanation on the relationship between love and confidence, I hope you’ll take the time to read the entire chapter. The verse before it (vs 17) says that “love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence…” Check it out for yourself!

Learning to be nice to ourselves will not only help us have more confidence, it will also help us to be nice to others. Often we are much harsher with ourselves than we are with those around us. Be nice to yourself. Love yourself. Be confident!

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Self Confidence VS Cockiness

Filed Under: Life
Feb.18, 2010

I learned an important lesson many years ago from an unexpected source – Hollywood! I recall looking at the photo of a particularly famous woman who was considered by most to be incredibly sexy. I had never questioned whether or not she was sexy; I just went with the flow. But on this particular day, I was looking at her photo with a critical eye and I concluded she really wasn’t “all that.” Upon sensing the unpopularity of my conclusion, I figured it must have just been a bad photo – we all get those from time to time. Perhaps she was no different. But then I started noticing her more frequently on television, billboards, and magazines and in the movies. Again and again, I came to the conclusion that not only was she not all that – she really wasn’t very pretty at all. There were far more attractive women in her field who weren’t getting so much attention. So I began trying to figure out what set this woman apart.

After watching interviews with her, reading articles about her, and seeing her performances, her secret dawned on me. She was sexy because she said she was sexy. Now I never actually heard her say, “I’m sexy.” But her body language, her voice, the way she walked, the way she dressed, and especially the ways she smiled and looked into the camera all screamed “I’m sexy.” In a word, it was her self-confidence which gave her an edge over equally, if not more, beautiful women.

I’m not surprised – both men and women find self-confidence to be a desirable trait. We feel good around self-confident people because they don’t feel the need to compete with you or judge you or size you up. They don’t think they are better than you, they just feel good about who they are and therefore do not feel the need to prove their worth to anyone. A self-confident person is ok with you being great because they understand that it doesn’t make them less great. Self-confident people enjoy watching and even helping others succeed because they know it doesn’t detract any of their success – there’s plenty to go around!

Because self-confident people are not concerned with proving anything to anyone – they have more friends, people want to be close to them, and more opportunities are offered to them. Generally speaking, they are more likely to find success in just about any endeavor they engage in. Without the underlying competition, there seems to be an air of peace about them. Who wouldn’t want to be around someone who is peaceable and genuinely wants to see others achieve success? I do. But more importantly, I want to be that type of person that is self-confident and therefore does not feel threatened by anyone else’ beauty, prestige, or success.

Obviously there is a huge difference between confident people and cocky people. Cocky people act like they are better than others, more attractive than others, smarter than others, and superior to everyone around them. What motivates them is actually the opposite of self-confidence. Cocky people are afraid that someone else will be better liked, gain more attention or somehow steal the spotlight. They respond by being loud and drawing attention to themself. FEAR is the enemy of confidence! You simply cannot have confidence and fear at the same time.

Anytime you feel nervous, self conscious, timid, afraid, anxious, worried, panicky, tense, or uneasy – you are not confident. No kidding, right? In fact, anytime you feel any of those emotions, you can pretty much be sure there is a fear lurking around in your mind.

I have a couple of exercises to suggest that will help you overcome fear and become more confident. But you’ll have to come back tomorrow to get the scoop!  self-confidence

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