Good People/Bad People

I’m having some trouble understanding the difference between good people and bad people. I mean, just how does one go about deciding that someone is a “bad person” or if they are a “good person.” After all, we all do things from time to time that we aren’t proud of, but does that make us “bad?” There are bad people who sometimes do nice things, but we still think they are bad.

Is there a line somewhere that gets crossed making someone go from good to bad? Is there a limit to how many bad things you can do before you lose your “good” status? Is there a symptom of going bad like the way we can tell when a piece of fruit has gone bad?

On the flip side, think about the really, really nice people that we sometimes deem to be “too nice.” How is that even possible? You know the type – they are so nice that they become door mats. They let people walk all over them. They give people the benefit of the doubt so much that they are taken advantage of. Then there are those who take advantage of the “too nice” person – are they now considered “bad?”

It’s all just so confusing. Most of us admit that we sometimes do bad things – we lose our temper, we think bad thoughts, or we tell a “white” lie. There again, what makes a lie white or not? Exactly where is that line that pushes a normal person who sometimes does bad things over the edge to being a “bad person?” And who decides when a lie is white or some other color?

Researches must ponder this question too because they came up with a question to determine if a person has a tendency toward being a sociopath. It goes something like this:

A girl was attending her mother’s funeral when an attractive man came and sat down next to her whom she had never seen before. They talked before and after the service for a while and she felt drawn to him. It felt she had known him all her life, but they had just met. After the funeral, she left without catching his name. A few weeks later, the girl murdered her sister. Why did she do it?

According to their research, known sociopaths readily know the answer to this question, whereas, normal people don’t.

The answer is: she thought the man may attend her sister’s funeral.

Now if you figured that one out – don’t be too alarmed! You are probably not a sociopath. (Probably.)

With the exception of sociopaths – is it possible that everyone is both good and bad? I know someone who I feel is a bad person. I’ve often said, “Something’s wrong with him!” But there are others who know this same person and would tell you that he is a great person. Obviously, they don’t know what I know about him. But is it possible, that I just don’t know what they know about him?

In the Bible, Paul tries to give us a little guidance on determining someone’s character when he told the Galatians (5:22) about the fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance). Fruit is something we can see, touch, taste, and smell. And really, you don’t have to be too bright to figure out if the fruit has gone bad or not. It wilts, turns colors, and eventually turns to mush. I suppose the same goes for our character.

I’m trying to get into the habit of looking at people’s character the way I look at fruit. Today I had a banana and a pear. The banana had some brown mushy parts which I pinched off and threw away. I enjoyed the rest of it though. The pear looked great. There were no soft spots, bruises or blemishes. It was firm yet ripe and a pretty green color. But when I bit into it, it was gross. It didn’t taste right but I kept eating it any way. Now my stomach hurts.

People are often like that banana and pear. Some people have bruises and mushy parts, but they are good. Others look perfect, but inside they are bad and can hurt you. The point is that line that determines good and bad isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it is – you see the person’s behavior and it’s obviously not good. But other times, the poison is on the inside and you are not going to know if it’s good or bad until you bite into it.

My concern is that I cultivate my fruit (love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance) so that it is nourishing to those around me. It’s really the only thing I have any control over. And regarding others, I’ll try to not judge too quickly. Some of the nicest people I know have hurt me the worst! And I’ve received blessings from people I thought didn’t have it in them.

Good or bad, time will tell.

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Mean People and Duck Facing

I have to admit that I’m a StumbleUpon addict. Nothing is more soothing to my Adult Attention Deficit Disorder than being able to click my way to random sites which have approximately 10 seconds to grab my interest. It’s like a television remote control is to a guy. Click, click, click…..awesome!

I stumble upon some pretty strange sites, weird photos, and unusual facts every night. But I’ve noticed that my interest has become more geared toward the comments left by other visitors more so than the content of the sites. I am amazed at how mean people are.

Seriously! People are brutal toward total strangers. And they get so emotional over it too!

For example, I stumbled upon a funny site that poked fun at girls who do the “duck face” pose on their social networking sites. You know, you’ve seen it before, their lips are pursed out like they are blowing a kiss, but it comes across looking like a duck. Go ahead, go look at your friends profile pictures on FaceBook – depending on your age group, you are likely to find several girls trying to look as sexy as a duck.

Anyway, I’ll be the first to admit that it’s funny and more than likely in about 10 years from now, those girls will look back at their picture collection and ask, “What was I thinking?” But the comments left by others who visited the site weren’t just about laughing at the goofy faces, they were just plain MEAN. Here’s the link – go check it out for yourself. Ummm, right after you make sure you aren’t guilty of duck facing on FB….

Did you read their comments? How rude.

And don’t just think it’s the young immature group that’s posting such attacks. I stumbled upon a rather scholarly site with an article about some important scientific research taking place and the comments were almost as bad. After one man commented and identified himself as a Doctor of Chiropractic, he was met with attacks about his “self appointed degree” and lack of a real education. Others were attacked because they misspelled words or used wont instead of won’t. None of their comments were relevant to the article.

For the past few years I have been following a local issue that is being covered by the electronic version of our county newspaper. The issue is regarding whether or not the county should close a dirt road which is not passable because a bridge is washed out. Most of the residents on the road (all 8 of them) want it closed. Others who live nearby want it open. I’m particularly interested in the issue because I live on the road. Although I have not been involved in the public debate, I did sign a petition to close the road due to the fact that the road invites a great deal of activity – specifically drug deals, young lovers, racing cars, people dumping trash, illegal hunting, and even dropping off unwanted dogs and cats. I also feel that it would save the county money to close it and they haven’t bothered to fix the bridge which has been out for a few years now. The people who want it left open say that emergency response vehicles need it to get to the other side and others want to use the road as a short cut to a major road. However, like I said, the bridge has been out two years, so I can’t see where the need is justified.

Anyway, I have been mesmerized by how this simple issue has prompted people to publish their mean spirited opinions. Both sides have verbally attacked one another and not just those who live on or near the road. There are people spouting off who don’t even know where the road is and have never been on it! They give their opinion about something they know nothing about – and they do it with vicious meanness.

What is wrong with people? I’d like to say it’s just the economy. The rates of unemployment, foreclosures, and economic collapse have made people irritable and they are taking it out on each other. But this has been going on way before Mr. Obama got his socialist hands around the country’s neck. People are just plain mean! Especially when they can do it anonymously! They are mean but coward at the same time. I don’t understand it.

Why can’t these people who are getting so emotional over a dirt road or over girls making duck faces turn some of that energy toward improving the state of this country? Or any cause that is worth such emotion – like finding a cure for something, saving the cats and dogs that get dumped on the dirt roads, or world hunger. Anything would be better than attacking each other. Especially over grammar mistakes and differing opinions.

Come on people. Stop being so mean! And by the way, if you want to leave a mean message on this post, you’ll have to register. No cowards allowed.

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I’ve been shot with a blank!

Yick!

It happens to the best of us. Someone threw a dart of criticism at me. Ka-Pow! Right in the gut!

I have to admit, I didn’t see it coming and it hurt. But not for long. Why? Because I learned an important lesson about these darts. Let me explain:

I used to work for a very smart woman, a long time ago. I learned more from her than I have in all the jobs I’ve ever had combined! She is, in part, a huge contributor to the success I enjoy today, even though I can’t tell her that because we are no longer on speaking terms. The funny thing is, no matter how much she hurt me, I still respect her and I am grateful for all she taught me.

The most valuable thing I learned from this former boss is how to take criticism. She showed me the value of negative feedback and taught me how to grow from it. In the course of doing that, it’s important to weed out the accurate criticism from the added hurtful criticism. And that’s the tricky part.

Actually, it was that added hurtful criticism that severed our relationship – but in the midst of it all, I can honestly say I learned a great deal from her and will always cherish my time with her. She taught me that with every harsh word or complaint, there is usually a little truth. And if you take that truth for what it is, without allowing the bitter words to hurt you – you can use it to improve and grow as a person. That little piece of truth is a golden gem hidden in a pile of poop!

But there’s another side to the poop part of criticism. Aesop said, “People often grudge others what they cannot enjoy themselves.”

Often, when someone lashes out with harsh words, (the poop side) they are actually revealing hurts and shortcomings in their own life. Remember that old adage that says when you point your finger at someone, there are three more pointing back at you? Well, it’s true! Along with their harsh words, the person giving you a tongue lashing is simply yelling at their own faults – actually three times more than the one fault they are point out in you!

I say, take the nugget and run! It’s pure gold! The nuggets I received from my critical boss and jealous friends have brought me all sorts of great wealth and peace! The next time someone criticizes you about something – don’t get mad. They are giving you a wonderful gift! Take it.

Of course, sometimes when someone fires off a round at you, they end up shooting blanks. Either they don’t have the correct information or they only have part of it and their critical words are formed in ignorance. In that case, there are no nuggets. Unless of course, you use the opportunity to practice being graceful and humble during and after the attack.

Now there’s a great lesson of life.

This was the case with the recent verbal attack. There was no basis of truth to their accusations. And I knew it. Therefore, I was able to shake it off and move ahead.

Apparently, being shot with blanks doesn’t hurt. Unless you let it.
So don’t!

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Yep, I’m a Goddess!

I’m a Goddess.

No, really. I am.

It’s pretty cool because I used to not be one. In fact, I used to be quite ordinary – average I suppose. I was average looking with average intelligence. I had an average job and an average life.

Average. I hate average!

It’s boring. Average, that is.

But being a Goddess, now THAT is totally awesome. Nothing average about it! In fact, since becoming a Goddess, I’m no longer average in all those things I mentioned before.

As a Goddess, my resume looks more like:

Looks: Goddess like
Intelligence: Goddess like
Marriage: Goddess like
Home: Goddess like
Job: Goddess like

All that sounds pretty great, huh? I’ll bet you want in on a deal like that, right? You are probably asking, “Where do I sign up to be a Goddess?”

Today’s your lucky day! I’m going to tell you the secret! Ready? Here it is:

Marry a man who actually believes you are a Goddess!

Ok, maybe it’s not an easy task – but it’s do-able. I did it. If I can do it, anyone can!

When I met my husband, he actually thought I was already a Goddess. He didn’t know that he was turning me into one. He was already convinced. Even though I was ordinary (average) looking – when that poor man looked at me, he saw a Goddess! We even got his eyes checked out and he agreed to have Lasik surgery on his eyes, but guess what? He wasn’t cured! He still thought I looked like a Goddess – even with 20/20 vision! It was a real miracle! When I walk into a room, his eyes light up because he sees a Goddess! It doesn’t matter what I’m wearing, what I’ve been doing, how I feel, or nothing! All he sees is a beautiful Goddess. I feel so bad for him that now I try really hard to make sure I look my best, because I don’t want him to be embarrassed if the eye problem wears off. I dress up for him. It’s fun too because it makes him lose his mind! He goes crazy because he’s never been with a Goddess before. He often wonders out loud if he’s dreaming or has died and gone to heaven! Silly man!

My husband also thinks I’m a genius. I suppose that goes along with his Goddess eye-sight problem. I can say the same ordinary (average) things I used to say, but NOW – it’s brilliant! I’ve never been this smart before! The funny thing is, since he thinks I’m so smart – I really try to be. I think long and hard before I speak so that I won’t slip up and say something stupid and break his spell. So far, it’s working. He seems to hang on my every word as if I’m spewing some sort of wisdom with everything that comes from my mouth!

I’m also enjoying a Goddess level marriage. You know the kind that Goddess’ have. We do everything together, we are best friends, we are partners in every sense of the word, and our sex-life is beyond belief. Trust me, there’s nothing average or ordinary about our marriage! Of course, this has had an effect on me too. Because I don’t want to be in a regular old marriage, I protect what we have with such diligence that nothing can come between us! That includes my own moods and emotions! When I’m ill – all I have to do is think for one second about how precious our relationship is and it becomes very easy to get over myself. I wouldn’t dream of hurting him with my words, after all – what if it broke the spell? I would hate to lose my Goddess status and go back to being ordinary!

I live in the same ordinary place that I did before I met my crazy husband and although I love the property, the views, the home – it was ordinary. But now! Wow, having a man who believes I’m a Goddess has also changed my home! It’s beautiful! It’s fit for a Goddess! Obviously, I want it to stay that way, so rather than take the chance that something out of place may wake him from his misconceptions – I try really hard to make sure everything is well taken care of. I would hate it if he woke up in the middle of the night and fumbled in the dark over something out of place, hit his head, and woke up from his belief that he was married to a Goddess. That would ruin everything. So I clean, work in the yard, and keep everything in place to make sure that doesn’t happen!

It’s hard to believe that my husband’s thinking has even affected my job. But it has. I actually have a quite ordinary job, but the fact that he thinks I’m a Goddess has caused me to feel that way, even at work! Not only am I enjoying a great work place, but I’m also able to write articles on my blog that help people and I’ve accomplished a life time goal of writing a book! I know I would have never been able to do that without being married to that crazy man who truly believes he is married to a Goddess!

Of course, it may have something to do with the fact that when I met him, I was certain he was my prince charming! Of course, I was right. A Goddess always is.

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Guilt is Stupid!

When I sit down to write an article, I usually have a topic on my mind that was prompted by something I saw or heard on the news or among people I work with. But a friend of mine asked me if I had written something on the subject of guilt. After looking back at my articles, I realized that I had not and so decided I should! After all, there are many people out there who walk around with millstones around their neck. Man! Talk about an energy zapper! I can’t imagine anyone racked with guilt having any energy at all to speak of.

So I sat down to write about guilt. Hmmmm….all that came to mind at first was “guilt is stupid.”

I’m going to go ahead and get the mean part out of the way, and then I’ll share my idea on how to deal with stupid guilt.

First of all, a lot of people simply do not want to get rid of guilt. They like feeling guilty. They wear it around their neck like some sort of trophy. Feeling guilty for some is often a way of making yourself feel important without actually doing anything. It’s a way of feeling alive without actually being in the business of living. Furthermore, it’s an excellent excuse to quit – so lazy people will jump all over it to justify them checking out of a relationship or just being a jerk. “I feel guilty, so I’m going to treat you like crap!” It doesn’t make any sense to me, but I personally know someone who does that!

Ok, so I got that out of the way.

If you fit into the description above, you may as well move on because the answer to guilt is only for those who really want to be relieved of the burden. However, if you genuinely don’t know how to get that millstone off your back – I suggest you try the following.

The first step – have a trial!

Before determining whether or not you are really guilty of whatever is haunting you, you need to have a trial. Don’t worry, you get to play all the roles: the prosecuting attorney, the defense attorney, the jury and the judge – and of course, you are also the accused. In your mind, as the prosecuting attorney, state your opening arguments. For example: “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this despicable person is guilty of ……………” Next, let your defense attorney speak. If you’ve been honest in both of those dialogs, it will not take any time at all for the jury to come back with a verdict. Then as judge, you either condemn or dismiss the case.

Let me give you a quick example. I was listening to Dr. Laura one day when a man called in and said that he wanted to marry this really great woman he had been dating for several years but simply could not do it because he was racked with guilt over the death of his first wife. He explained that she died from complications that the doctor was unprepared for during surgery. Dr. Laura kept trying to get to the bottom of it because how could anyone feel guilty for something they had no control over. He said, “she was only in her early 30’s and we’d only been married a year.” “So? How does that make it YOUR fault?” He just said, “I should have known.” So, Dr. Laura in her tactful style explained to him that his ego was evidently HUGE if he thought that he should have known something that a trained and experienced expert couldn’t have foreseen! (See what I mean about people who use guilt to make them feel more important than they are?) He had been putting this wonderful woman that he was dating in turmoil for years because he felt guilty! (See what I mean about people using guilt as an excuse to be a jerk!) And he felt that because his wife died so young and early in their marriage that he should never be happy again. (See what I mean about people using guilt as an excuse to check out!)

Ok, back to your trial – what’s the verdict? If your “crime” was actually put on trial and you were on the jury, would you convict? If not, then it’s time, as judge, to dismiss the case. You have to. Once you are tried and found not guilty, you have to dismiss it. If you wouldn’t put yourself in jail over it, why would you keep yourself in jail over it? Set yourself free. It’s a decision. Let it go and start living as a free person!

Second step – The Sentencing

However, if your verdict is guilty – it’s time for the sentencing part of the trial. This is the responsibility of the judge. Be a just judge – the time must fit the crime! Perhaps you need to make restitution. Perhaps an apology is more fitting. Perhaps you need to do some public or community service to pay for your “crime.” Keep in mind, that if you decide to sentence yourself to some sort of mental jail – that you must have a reasonable release date. At that time, your crime is settled and you are free. Also, consider time already served – if you’ve been feeling guilty over something for years, you’ve already been in jail. Perhaps if you are found guilty, your sentence could be wiped clean due to time already served. Be fair to yourself!

If you’ve been experiencing guilt and you are suddenly release from it’s grips due to a “NOT GUILTY” verdict from trial, or you paid for your crime through sentencing – the effects will be phenomenal! You will be a new person – full of energy and the ability to go out and really live!

When is your trial date?

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