I’ve written quite a bit about the importance of choosing correct, truthful, and positive thoughts rather than what most people normally allow to run through their head. But it’s much more than simply suppressing the unwanted thoughts and replacing them with good ones. In fact, doing so may do more harm than good. Mental health researchers learned in 1987 about the rebound affect we experience when we try to suppress our thoughts. In a study (Wegner et al., 1987) Daniel Wegner and his associates instructed a group of volunteers to NOT think about a white bear and whenever the thought crossed their mind to ring a bell. They found that the participants who were asked to not think about the bear rang the bell twice as much as those who were not trying to suppress the thought.
Now that’s interesting, huh? Thought rebound not only explains why some of us have difficulty remaining positive, it also sheds light on some of our other problems as well. Further studies were conducted regarding the power of thought rebound which revealed that when thoughts have emotions attached to them, they are even more prone to the rebound affect. This is why it’s often hard to forgive someone who’s wronged you since the thought of the offense is laden with strong emotions. The more you think about the offense, the more you feel those hurt emotions and therefore find it difficult to forgive the offender and move on with your life. This is also true with trauma we experience. Many people who experience natural disasters, car crashes, or have been the victim of a crime, may find it particularly difficult to not think about what happened. The biggest challenge we have with thought rebound is that often, particularly if the thought is laden with strong emotion, when the though returns, it brings even stronger emotions with it.
Trauma or emotional thoughts aren’t the only cases where rebound gets us into trouble. People who are on a diet or trying to quit smoking will find it much more difficult to control their behavior if they are attempting to suppress thoughts about eating or smoking. Researchers found that those who attempt to suppress their thoughts in these cases end up experiencing even stronger cravings for whatever they are trying to forget about (in my case, sugar). In the case of negative thinking, people who attempt to suppress all their negativity tend to spiral down, particularly if they are experiencing some level of depression. And those intrusive memories we get about an emotional event will often become more emotionally charged and cause our memories to rearrange the order of events and often emphasis certain parts of the memory which were particularly disturbing to us.
Doesn’t it seem that our minds are on a different team? We want to quit smoking, lose weight, be positive, and even quit singing the lyrics to that stupid song – but our minds wont cooperate! The harder we try to impose our will to not think a certain thought, the harder our mind works to think it. So what are we to do?
What I’m about to say is the same advice I would give to someone parenting a strong willed child. Sometimes stopping a particular thought is as simple as distracting your mind in another activity. (This works great with young children) Many times, when a song gets stuck in my head, I purposely think of another song and replace it. Do a puzzle, watch a movie, read a book, do anything that requires your brain to engage in thought. When you are fighting a very emotionally charged thought about a trauma or a memory of something unpleasant one of the best distractions is to talk to someone else who needs encouragement. Getting your mind off yourself is a great way to not think about whatever is bothering you. When you are using distraction as a technique to stop a thought, it’s important to not judge the thought or yourself for thinking it. Instead, pay it no mind at all. The more you place value on the thought, the harder it will be to distract yourself from thinking it. When that happens, the distraction simply becomes a form of suppression.
The next technique is something I demonstrated in a previous post – allow the thought but set limits on it. I was having a negative thought and the accompanying negative emotions so I set the timer on the stove and decided to indulge in the feeling for a limited amount of time. It worked itself out and I felt much better by the time the timer sounded. Again, this is a lot like parenting – sometimes when your child is indulging in strong emotional outbursts, you can help validate their feelings by allowing them to express their emotions with limits. You can tell your child that you understand they are angry but they need to go outside if they feel like screaming.
Another technique that has worked for me is to allow the thought, memory, or emotion to play out. This almost always works when I’m trying to get rid of that song in my head. Often I don’t remember all the words, so I will look it up and sing the entire song all the way through and like magic, it stops the music in my head. Many people will find talking to a therapist, a life coach, or even a friend with good listening skills to work in the same way. If you have an obtrusive thought, engage it and explore it. Find out what the underlying concern may be. Sometimes your mind is forcing you to recall something that happened because of the fear that it may happen again. If that’s the case, taking steps to assure yourself that you are safe may alleviate the problem.
If you can’t talk to someone, try interviewing yourself. Simply pretend you are a news anchor and are reporting a story about whatever your mind is obsessing about. Ask the types of questions you would likely hear a reporter asking. Even the stupid questions – then answer them. You will be amazed at the amount of insight you can get from yourself. Of course, if you find this difficult – don’t hesitate to find a counselor or life coach!
With a bit of practice or with the help of others, you can overcome those recurring negative thoughts, stop smoking, lose weight, and forgive the jerks who hurt you! You can even stop singing that 80’s song!
