I once heard a parenting teacher ask a poignant question. He said, if your children are lying, who taught them to be afraid to tell the truth? Yikes. By the way, if you are raising children and you’ve never taken parenting lessons: Take Parenting Lessons. The job is very complicated and it’s the most important job you can have, in my opinion. The results of how one generation parents affects the next few generations. Nothing could be more important that raising well balanced, confident, honest, upstanding citizens. It’s quite obvious that the last generation was a bit slack. But I digress.
Back to honesty. You know, psychology tells us that there are two main paths to most mental illnesses. Denial and Self Delusion. Both are detrimental to your mental health and are equally detrimental to society. It is for this reason you simply must insist on the truth. Insist on the truth from your children, your spouse, your friends, your boss, but most importantly, insist on the truth from yourself.
This means that you must make it a habit to face reality. I read once that people judge their own abilities much higher than they judge others. For example, a poll showed that the majority of people think they are in the top 20 percent when it comes to driving skills, yet they feel most everyone else is below average. I think this spills over into other areas as well.
We tend to think we are the better communicator, the better giver, and the better parent when judging our marital relationships. We feel we work harder than our co-workers. We tend to be a bit self delusional when it comes to our own value. Of course, this problem doesn’t’ seem to affect the view we hold of our bodies, especially women. On that front, we judge ourselves too harshly. But both habits are nasty! We must make a new habit of facing reality, which means we accept both our strengths and our weaknesses.
Back to our children, if you have a child under the age of 10, he’s going to lie. It’s just something they have to try out. If it works, they will do it again and if it works again, they will do it again and again. But if you make sure it doesn’t work, they will think twice about trying it in the future. But the most important thing you can do is make sure they do not fear telling the truth. You must reinforce this constantly, especially while they are young. Telling the truth should always be the easier route for your child.
I’ve written an article with more tips about helping your child not to lie. You can download it free here: Liar.
It’s also available on GinnHill.com.
Once again, if you are raising children, get some help! When my children were young, there were several opportunities for parenting classes within our church and in the community. Most at no cost. And of course, there are tons of books on the subject. Please don’t fall into the delusions that just because you gave birth, you automatically know what to do with them! It’s like just because you can afford a yacht, it doesn’t mean you know how to sail one.
In the mean time – insist on the truth! Look for it. Reward it. Don’t settle for anything less!
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