Yesterday I wrote about the importance of self-confidence and its nemesis – fear. Today, as promised, I want to offer a couple of steps that have helped me to increase my self-confidence and reduce the amount of fear in my life.
We all have bad days and weak moments. Sometimes we have negative emotions that are caused by faulty thinking patterns. Other times our negative emotions are caused by biological factors such as hormone levels, poor nutrition, or lack of exercise. But whatever is the cause, when you find yourself feeling down – one of the best things you can do with that emotion is accept it (with limitations). Too many times we beat ourselves up and chastise ourselves for being human. Rather than feeling bad or feeling guilty that you are experiencing a negative emotion, such as depression, why not accept it for what it is and perhaps even enjoy it! What? Let me explain –
Sometimes when I am feeling down or blue for no apparent reason, I try to refrain from judging myself and I accept that I have a negative feeling. Then I decide what I can do to enjoy the fact that I feel like a victim. I mean seriously, if you are going to feel that way, you may as well make the most of it. So I make a mental note of how I can enjoy the experience – but then, and here’s the key, I put a time limit on it!
“Just for today, I will be as depressed as I feel like being. I will lay around in my pajamas and not do any house work. I’ll watch television all day. I will eat as much chocolate as I want without feeling guilty. I will not exercise. I will not reach out to any of my friends or family.”
Almost always, I end up not doing it for the limited time (one day) but while I’m doing it, I enjoy it. It sounds crazy, but give it a try! The next day will be much better and you will have grown in confidence because you didn’t beat yourself up for being down. You will likely face the day with more confidence because you know that if you fail, you will be nice to yourself!
If you find yourself in a rut of negative emotions, here’s another quick exercise that usually works: When you wake up in the morning, put a huge smile on your face (even if it’s fake) and list 10 things you are most grateful for. Do this before you get out of bed. It sets the tone for the entire day. It’s a great habit to have for every day!
Here’s one more exercise that will build your confidence, especially if you do it every evening!
Aristotle said “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” If you get into habits I’m describing and become excellent – how much more reason to have confidence?
Every evening before you fall asleep, have an honors ceremony in your mind. Visualize yourself on a stage receiving an award for your accomplishments of the day. They don’t have to be big accomplishments – just take the time to acknowledge some of the things that make you a good person. An example:
“Today I am being honored for: getting up on time, eating healthy meals all day, not yelling at that person, cleaning the bathroom, making a dental appointment, complimenting someone’s outfit, and wearing my seatbelt in the car.”
Again, it may sound crazy, but the first step in gaining confidence is learning to be nice to yourself. By refraining from judging yourself harshly and taking time to honor all the little things you do, you are becoming more loving toward yourself. Until you love yourself, you simply cannot love others. Remember when I said that fear is the opposite of self confidence? Well, how do we get rid of fear?
The first step in eradicating fear is explained in the Bible: “….perfect love casts out all fear….” I John 4:18. If you want further explanation on the relationship between love and confidence, I hope you’ll take the time to read the entire chapter. The verse before it (vs 17) says that “love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence…” Check it out for yourself!
Learning to be nice to ourselves will not only help us have more confidence, it will also help us to be nice to others. Often we are much harsher with ourselves than we are with those around us. Be nice to yourself. Love yourself. Be confident!
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