Lately I’ve been learning how to turn negative things into positive things. William Shakespeare said that “Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” I think what he meant by that is the value we use to judge something as good or bad, positive or negative, lies within our own mind. In other words, it’s our mental attitude that determines whether or not something is positive or not.
I began thinking about this with a post I wrote a few days ago, “Myth of the Greener Grass.” In that article I referred to the tendency we have to look at something we don’t have and want it enough to lose what we do have in order to get it….and I showed how that habit can actually be seen in a positive light when we use this same tendency to continue growing and reaching forward toward more and more goals.
I have continued to think of traits that we normally see as negative and have managed to find some real positive aspects of three very common ones: selfishness, laziness, and ruthlessness.
Selfishness:
Yesterday on Dr. Phil there was a young mother who was overwhelmed with her four children (all under age six) and was feeling burned out. (I wonder why?) She admitted that she needed more help from her husband and needed some time to get away from the pressure of full-time motherhood. However, she stated that whenever her husband offered to watch the children while she went out to get some relief, she turned down the opportunity because she felt guilty. What this woman needed was a healthy dose of selfishness.
In his book, Gray Matters, Mark writes how important it is to be a little bit selfish. After all, if you don’t take care of yourself first, you’ll never be able to take care of others. I am reminded of how the instructions during air travel explains that in the event of an emergency, place the oxygen over your mouth before attempting to help someone next to you. This is important advice! The woman on the Dr. Phil Show could not effectively take care of her children because she didn’t take care of herself.
Laziness:
As an adult suffering with ADD, I can’t think of anyone that knows me who would use the word lazy to describe anything about me. I do everything fast and I don’t stop until I drop! Even when I’m supposedly “relaxing,” my mind is going 90 mph thinking of what to do next! Mark and I tease each other that in our relationship he is the quality manager (which really is his vocation) and I am the production manager. Together we make a great team but I’ve had to learn from Mark about the art of incorporating a little bit of laziness in our massive production frenzy in order to ensure high quality! After three years, I’m starting to get the hang of it and it really has improved the quality of my life.
Ruthlessness:
Ok, I don’t think I’m as bad as Simon Cowell or Dr. Laura – but I’ve never had any issue being ruthless! I’m not saying I have no compassion or mercy, but it is not my strong suit when it comes to people whining about problems they caused and have no initiative to solve. Being a good boss requires that you have the ability to be selectively ruthless and the fact is, you are the boss of your life.
Sometimes you have to be ruthless with yourself. This is something I have to do in order to get enough exercise. My allergy to exercise brings about symptoms of whining, attention deficit disorder, and psychosomatic aches and pains. To get the job done, I have to show myself “no mercy” when it is time to work out.
Other times you have to be ruthless when it comes to time stealers. I know you enjoy watching American Idol and the entire CBS line up on Monday’s, Tuesday’s, and Thursday’s….but something’s got to give if you really want to achieve your life purpose! Watching 10 hours of television every week is not your life purpose. Be ruthless with that remote and employ the POWER OFF button!
Lastly, there are times when you must be ruthless with the needy people in your life. You certainly aren’t going to change them or solve their problems. Besides, it’s not your job to solve their issues – that’s their job. And trust me, as long as they have someone to listen to their whining, they will never be motivated to solve anything. If you aren’t part of the solution, then you are part of the problem. Be ruthless!
Incorporating these three habits, in moderation of course, will greatly increase the productivity and quality of your life!
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