I’ve been spending some time on Yahoo Answers. It’s amazing how many hurting, lonely, and confused people are out there. Here are a few sample questions (I left out most of the details from the questions, but posted my entire answer):
Why do I feel so anxious in the mornings?
Why not try changing the way you think about the upcoming day. Instead of dreading it and thinking about how long, boring, and painful it will be – start deciding to think positively about it. Think of each day as an opportunity for something good to happen. The other stuff you are doing (reading, listening to teachers, etc) are just fillers for the day…they are the duty you must fullfill that takes up the time. But the real purpose in the day is to experience life, help someone, love someone, smile, make the world a better place. Look for the opportunities and they will present themselves to you. But if you are focusing only on the drab duty you must fulfill, you will miss all the wonders that life has in store for you. Next time you are in class, take a look around at the faces of your classmates. I’ll bet you more than one of those people are hurting and they are trying their best to not let it show because they think no one cares. Why don’t you be the one to care? You can make a difference if you change your focus.
How can I be more confident?
In the beginning, I don’t think “faking it” is such a bad thing. By faking it, you are self-correcting your behaviors, right? Behavior habits are hard to change sometimes, for example, walking with your head down, slumped shoulders, etc, comes across as a lack of confidence. However, when you intentionally hold your head up, walk with purpose, smile at people, you actually begin to feel more confident. So in that case, even if you are feeling self conscious, act appropriately and it will help you to feel confident as well as cause people to react to you as though you are confident.
Regarding your self conscious thoughts, that is also a habit and habits change by consistent and deliberate repetition. First of all, realize that’s it’s not about you. Get your mind off you and on to others. Instead of thinking “I wonder if they like me,” try thinking, “how can I let them know I like them?”
One effective method to change a habit of negative thinking is to wear a rubber band around your wrist and as soon as you notice you are thinking poorly, snap the band, say “no” out loud, and then replace the thought with a positive one. This engages several input systems to help retrain your mind.
How can I get over my sadness?
Some of the best advice I ever received came when my husband of 26 years left me for a younger woman (wow, sounds like such a cliche). We went to a therapist to determine if the marriage could or should be saved, and after hearing both our stories, the therapist told me that my only job is to “be fabulous!” I was sad, but when I started looking at the FACTS, I started focusing on being the best me I could be and realizing that happiness is my responsibility, not any one else, especially my ex-husband.
Emotions are fueled by your thoughts. If you incorporate self discipline to force yourself to think about the positive truths, you will find your emotions will respond positively. Many of our emotions are not based on reality or facts. Learn to tell yourself the truth and the truth will set you free!
How do I get over my ex – it’s been three years!
I’m sorry for your hurt. One thing to realize is that your ex has a problem that has nothing to do with you. If you were real skinny, he would have offered another reason that he cheated. The fact is, when someone cheats, they aren’t “doing it to you.” You are no where in the equation when he is deciding to cheat. At that point, it’s all about him. Complete selfishness is involved. He didn’t weigh out the decision and say well, this one is skinny and the other isn’t. No matter what excuse a person comes up with to justify cheating, it is still their problem, their lack of morals, their weakness. Even if their partner is a contribution to the issues, a strong, moral person will end a relationship before deciding to cheat. So get it through your head that your body has nothing to do with his lack of character.
As for your current marriage (congratulations!) you need to focus on being grateful for him and turn all your energy into how you can make his life with you perfect. Replace your thoughts about you with thoughts about what turns him on, what makes him smile, what new and creative thing can you do today that will light up his life. Make it all about him. Seduce him with your curves! And when his eyes light up as he is looking at your body, memorize that look and see it every time you look at yourself in the mirror. Then just think, “yeah, my husband loves this!”
Changing how you think is like changing any other habit. It takes consistent work to make a new habit. Don’t give up! Just work it, girl friend! =D
Be the most fabulous you can be!
Why am I so negative?
Wow. There are a lot of contradictions in your question. You acknowledge that you have a good life, but see the down side to everything. You acknowledge that your weight is right for your body type, but you obsess about it, adding “I don’t believe” even though you just stated the fact. You recalled all the people in your life and admitted having an active social life, but you need something to look forward to. You have a good job, but you hate the work week.
What I’m suggesting is that your mind knows all the facts, but somehow you chose to believe or focus on what’s not true instead of what is true.
The obvious answer seems to be simple – stop believing lies and start believing truth. But the reality is that simple is NOT easy. You have made a habit of chosing wrong thoughts. You may need some help in chosing a better habit – positive thinking. It may help you to do some self discovery, for example, you may have adult ADD – always seeking input, getting bored easily, needing activity and stimulation. Or perhaps you just got into a bad habit and need some help getting out of it. Either way, a counselor or life coach can help you if you cannot do it on your own. The positive side is that you acknowledge the problem and really do want to change! That is a huge step.
I wish you the best!
I haven’t had sex in 4 years, what’s wrong with me?
You mentioned your ex used to cheat on you “all the time” until you left him – that statement plus the idea you have in your head that something’s wrong with you because you haven’t put out, tells me that you have some self esteem issues. You obviously don’t see yourself as a fantastic human being who deserves love and devotion. You are fantastic. Now, act like it. Be proud of it. Don’t sell out. Don’t cheapen yourself.
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