In the field of professional coaching there is a well known acronym, GAIL, which represents the obstacles that keep most people from succeeding or achieving their goals.
G – Gremlins: these are the little ghosts of the past or fears of the future. Our fear immobilizes us and keeps us in our comfort zone.
A – Assumptions: this is a nasty habit that is usually at the core of all conflicts, particularly those we are emotionally tied to. We think we know that person and assume we know what they are thinking and feeling based on our past experiences. We tend to assume negatively. This causes us to react rather than respond to situations and circumstances.
I – Interpretation: we all look at life through a special set of glasses (a paradigm) that colors our world depending on our world view, beliefs, and faith. This is why if 10 people are viewing the same event, it is possible to have 10 different interpretations of what happened. It’s also the reason we have so many interpretations of scientific data, religious beliefs, and politics.
L – Limiting beliefs: As we grow up, we pick up attitudes, feelings, and beliefs about life from stimulus around us. Our parents contribute as does our extended family, our heritage, and our culture, society, and event world events. We often fail to question these beliefs because we’ve always had them. Again, negativity is the norm. Many of our beliefs limit us as to what we can and cannot accomplish.
Sometimes, our limiting beliefs also include fears, so we’ll touch on that area as well. Fears can intimidate us, keep us from making important decisions, making progressive changes, and often time are characterized by being overly concerned with the “what ifs” of life.
The first step in overcoming fear is to name it. We must identify exactly what it is before we can dismantle it. Many people walk around with vague feelings of fear and cannot express exactly what they are afraid of, and sometimes are not even aware that they are afraid. All they know is that “something” is holding them back.
Step One
Identify a fearful thought or limiting belief that is causing stress or judgment for you. Don’t over generalize. Don’t list common fears just to be listing something. Think of as many thoughts or beliefs that you know is holding you back, and write them down in your journal.
Step Two
The second step to liberation from your fears is to assess each one. For each fear you listed, consider the following questions:
Is it true? I mean, really true? Is it a fact, or something you just believe to be true?
If it is true, or could be true, is there a possibility that it may be false?
Where did the fear come from? Some of our fears (gremlins) come from past experience. For example, perhaps you attempted to make a friend with a new neighbor but that person responded in a rude manner and hurt your feelings. Now you are afraid to reach out again. Or perhaps your mother was terribly afraid of traveling and often said so. Now you find yourself afraid, although you have no reason to feel that way. Where did your fears come from?
Consider the following possibilities, and then decide where your fear came from:
- My family values
- Past experience
- Something someone said to me
- Something I learned from watching TV or movies
- An old wives tale
- Something I heard in church
- A fantasy I had as a child
- It was so long ago that I cannot remember when it started
How does this fear affect me? How do I react to this fear or limiting belief? Consider the following:
- How do I feel?
- What emotions does it spark?
- What do I say?
- How does my body respond?
- What are my facial expressions?
- How do I treat others when I think it?
- How do I treat myself?
- What other thoughts does it trigger?
- How does it affect my opinion?
Most people hold on to limiting beliefs for some underlying psychological reason. For example, in my case I identified a fear of abandonment. I held onto this fear and the resulting limiting belief (everyone will eventually leave me) and it caused me to put up a wall. I felt safer inside my wall. So the payoff for my fear was a false sense of safety. What is your payoff? What benefit to you get from holding on to this fear? Consider these areas while determining your payoff:
- Self-esteem
- Integrity
- Finances
- Job/business
- Relationships
- Creativity
- “Aliveness”
- Body/Health
What does it cost you to keep this fear? What are you missing out on by allowing this fear to intimidate you? How does it affect you physically when you think about the fear? What is it keeping you from achieving? Or in the words of Dr. Phil McGraw – “how’s that working out for you?”
- Self-esteem
- Integrity
- Finances
- Job/business
- Relationships
- Creativity
- “Aliveness”
- Body/Health
What would you be like without the fear? Visualize yourself completely free of that fear or limiting belief. What would you do, how would you act, and what risks would you take? Be as specific as possible. Another way of asking this is “if you knew there was absolutely no way you could fail, what would you do?” Again, consider the affects on these areas:
- Self-esteem
- Integrity
- Finances
- Job/business
- Relationships
- Creativity
- “Aliveness”
- Body/Health
Answer the following questions for each fear you have assessed:
- Does this thought/fear bring peace or stress?
- Can you see a reason to keep this thought/fear?
- Can you see a reason to drop this thought/fear?
Step Three
Now you have completely assessed your gremlin. You know how it originated, what it looks like, feels like, and how it affects you. You also know what your life would be like without it. Now on to step three. Develop a plan of action!
The first thing to do in developing an action plan is to turn around your limiting belief or fear in the form of an affirmation or a positive opposite. For example, if you believed, “I’ll never have enough money to retire,” turn that into “I have plenty of money to retire.” Or if you your thought or fear was, “Most people are out to get me,” turn it to “most people are kind and want to help me.”
Is this affirmation as true as, or truer than your old thought/limiting belief?
Now, look for some evidence in your life that this affirmation is already true. (For example, you have several friends who really do want to help you)
The last part is to figure out what you would do differently if you lived out your new thought (affirmation). What actions would you be free to take if the fear was not holding you back?
Now, whether you have completely erased the fear or not, you must begin doing the things on your previous list. Fake it till you make it is a great policy when overcoming limiting fears. It’s okay to feel the fear. When you do, just go back over the previous section and reassess your fear. Repeat this as often as necessary until you convince your mind that the fear is false. In the mean time, continue doing all the action steps you just identified. By incorporating thinking and doing you will soon retrain your mind to overcome fears and achieve your dreams!
Just like with any new habit, it takes time to develop and to replace old habits. The work is hard, but worth it. Simply by becoming aware of your thoughts, then changing them to match your intentions, you can achieve anything! Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or that you can’t, you are usually right.”
Think positive and do not be afraid!
Related posts:
- Core beliefs and Worry The trouble with a lot of worries is that they...
- Yes! You can change your past - You don’t like your past? Then change it! Here’s how...
- Let Go My Ego The ability to accept that God IS and we are...
- Awakening – I thought you might like this: The Awakening A time comes in your life when you...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
