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Crossing the finish line

Filed Under: Welcome
Feb.05, 2010

Mark and I talk a lot about goals on our blogs. It’s understandable since we have both learned that without goals we are as lost as last year’s Easter egg, but with goals we seem to get anything we set our hearts on. Being the impatient person I am, I had to learn an important thing about realizing change:  it is not linear.

We all enjoy watching good movies or reading books that make it seem that there is a straight line between getting where you want to go from where you are now.  We think that line looks like this:

Identify your goal → Identify your options → Make a list of steps →  Take a series of linear steps to get there  →  Don’t quit  → Arrive at goal

There may be times when it works out that way.  We certainly advocate for having identified goals and a list of steps on how to get there. We also suggest you continue taking those steps, day by day, and not quit until you get what you are wanting. But rarely does it happen so simple and clean like that. Instead, we find ourselves energized one day and stuck the next.  We make huge progress then it goes on the back burner for a while. We experience a series of “good luck” then it seems nothing works out right. But if we continue on, eventually we do get there. What we find when we arrive is that all those distractions and detours actually enhanced our goal, taught us valuable lessons, and gave us the stamina to maintain the goal once we receive it! It is true; the messy journey on our way ends up being full of jewels for us!

What about you? Do you have goals or are you just living life in a rut where your day to day existence is all about getting through the day? Now is a great time to start dreaming and planning.  Start out small – pick just one small goal that you would like to accomplish before the end of the year.  Where would you need to be in 6 months in order to meet that goal on time? Where would you need to be in 3 months? Now that you have some smaller “mini-goals” write down the steps you need to take to accomplish your target by May. Then just do it.  Don’t fret if you go through slow periods or you feel unmotivated at times. Just remind yourself of why you want that goal – then get moving again.  Remind yourself often of your progress to keep you encouraged. Don’t quit! If you keep on a consistent path, enjoy the journey, and keep the jewels you pick up along the way – you will find yourself accomplishing more and more.finishline

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Do you LOVE your job?

Filed Under: Finances
Feb.04, 2010

In graduate school I had to take a class I wasn’t very excited about, career counseling.  It was a required class which I trudged through, but I did come across something I found interesting and have used often.  Career coaches often use this information when helping people find a best fit job for their clients. What they have found is that just because you are good at something doesn’t necessarily mean you will enjoy it or should pursue it as a career.  On the other hand, just because you enjoy something, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are good at it.  (Just think about the American Idol tryouts – eeek!)  Therefore, you shouldn’t always be seeking a career doing a certain thing just because you enjoy it.

Take a look at the following career chart:

You will notice that in the first block we have an area which represents the activities we enjoy performing which energizes us, we are good at, but we may not get to do often. In the top right block we have things we are good at, energizes us, and we get to do often.  Below in the right block, we have our learned behaviors, which are things we do often, we are good at, but we may not enjoy doing.  The last block shows our weaknesses, which means we really don’t like doing them and we don’t do them well.  We should avoid most activities (jobs) that fall into this category.

The point to categorizing our activities is to understand why we do what we do and how to best choose between which activities we should stick to and what priorities they should hold in our lives. When looking for a career, it would be great if you can find a job that we are good at, energizes us and we have plenty of experience in. I find that most of us end up in the lower right category when it comes to our jobs – we are good at it, but we don’t really enjoy doing it.  Since we spend so much of our waking life at work, being in this category makes it difficult to lead a fulfilling and high energy life.

Practically speaking what I have found to be most fulfilling is to keep your vocations on the right side of the block, ideally in the top but in the lower block if that is meeting your needs while you attempt to move into the top block. Then keep your hobbies in the top left block while avoiding the bottom left as much as possible.

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Don’t Be S.A.D.

Filed Under: Health
Feb.03, 2010

As a counselor, I love finding patterns in situations, circumstances, and in all the drama or trauma going on in people’s lives.  History certainly repeats itself and if we’ll only take the time to identify the patterns, we can usually take appropriate steps to change it. But as much as I enjoy doing that for others, I often forget to do it for myself. This is the reason having a counselor or life coach can be so important for personal growth. Often we are too close to the situation to see the big picture, and if you want to see a pattern, you really must be able to step back and see the whole thing.

I recently noticed a huge pattern in my life.  I was feeling particularly depressed one day and realized that I had been feeling that way a lot lately.  I think it’s normal to experience occasional down times, but I was feeling much more than just that. Most of those around me didn’t seem to notice my blues, but that’s because I’m a huge proponent of managing my emotions and not letting them affect me in adverse ways. Anyway, once I noticed the frequency of my depressed moods, I began to look for patterns and eureka! I found one!

For as long as I can recall, I’ve struggled emotionally during the months beginning with Fall and lasting until Spring. It’s weird too, because I actually like cold weather and Fall is one of my most favorite seasons because of the colors and cool air. But like clockwork, as soon as Fall rolls around I begin feeling down. I often explain to people that Fall makes me feel nostalgic. That sounded better than depressed. I often get a sense that things are done with, over, nearing death – but I figured it was just preparing for the “deadness” of winter.

As I looked back, I realized that a lot of major events, negative ones, took place in during those months.  I suffered a clinical depression during the Fall and Winter. I quit my job during the Fall, without a back up plan. I got a divorce during the Winter. I married my first husband (huge mistake) during the Fall. So, I can see a lot of really poor decisions were made during that time.  I can’t really see the same pattern during the warmer months.  Finally, I noticed that this year, the season has been particularly hard on me.  Although I’m living a dream life, my happily ever after, I still feel down a lot.  (This is yet another reason I preach the gospel of not taking your emotions too seriously and letting them run your life. You simply cannot trust every emotion.)

Finally, the light came on for me.  Literally.  Could it be that I am suffering from a very common malady known as S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder)?

Let’s take a look at how Google Health describes the disorder – you can read the entire article at: https://health.google.com/health/ref/Seasonal+affective+disorder

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that occurs in relation to the seasons, most commonly beginning in winter.

  • Afternoon slumps with decreased energy and concentration
  • Carbohydrate cravings
  • Decreased interest in work or other activities
  • Depression that starts in fall or winter
  • Increased appetite with weight gain
  • Increased sleep and excessive daytime sleepiness
  • Lack of energy
  • Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
  • Social withdrawal

Yep, I had every one of those symptoms.  As soon as my “light bulb” came on in my mind, I immediately opened the blinds to let some light in my home.  We’ve had an unusual amount of rain here, so I’m just not getting much sunlight. Plus, we’ve had the blinds closed for months (too lazy to open them?) and the lighting in my office was dim too. With the shortened days of Fall and Winter, I was living in the dark!

Experts think that the reduced exposure to light, particularly sun light, causes a drop in serotonin levels, which brings about the symptoms of SAD. I love it when the solution is natural, easy, safe, and affective! Opening my blinds and making it a point to take a walk outside, even though we were experiencing an ice storm (but it’s so beautiful!) made an immediate improvement in my depressed mood!  Next, I had the lights changed in my office at work and Viola! Instant cheer!

If you’ve been down lately, take a look at the amount of light you are getting. It’s amazing how making such small changes can greatly impact your life!

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How to be Awesome!

Filed Under: Life
Feb.02, 2010

Have you ever met someone who was simply awesome?

I believe that no matter what you look like, how much money is in your bank account, where you live, what you drive, or how much education you have, you can be awesome! It’s pretty simple if you follow these three steps:

1. Check the mirror. Take a good long look at yourself in a full length mirror before you leave your house. If you don’t like what you see, don’t change clothes (although that may help) but instead, change your attitude! What is on the inside of you is revealed on the outside of you. There are so many beautiful people who don’t have model shaped bodies, high cheek bones, beautiful eyes, face, and hair. They are just average, normal people who have a great attitude and it shows!

What do you see when you look in the mirror? What does your posture say about how you regard the world? Are you defensive? Does your facial expression reveal bitterness, caution, and fear? What about your choice of clothes? Are you drawing attention to yourself or hiding behind your fashion?

How do you walk? Head up, chin out and with purpose? Or do you shuffle along with your head down like you have no where to go and no one to talk to?

What does your speech reveal about you? Do you curse or bless? Are you mindful of proper grammar or do you flaunt your lack of education? (“What my name is?”)

Making sure your attitude is awesome is as easy as looking in the mirror. Check it out! If your image doesn’t scream awesome – then change it!

2. Assume rapport. Many people walk around concerned about what other people think about them. It makes us nervous to think we are being sized up and judged all the time. What I have discovered is that most of the time, the person is too busy thinking about themselves and wondering what others think about them to be at all concerned with you!

So the fact is, you don’t have to worry about what people think of you – because most likely they aren’t thinking about you at all!

I normally wouldn’t advocate any type of assumption. Assuming things usually makes a mess in relationships. But there is an exception – it is safe and wise to assume rapport. Whom should you assume you have rapport with? Everyone you meet! The entire world, in fact. If you make it a habit of thinking that the person you are speaking with likes you, enjoys your company, and wants to be your friend – then most likely they will! In fact, if you face the world with the same assumed rapport, you find it to be a warm and caring place.

Assuming rapport with the world changes you and how you respond to others. Your demeanor and confidence level will improve. Your energy toward others will get higher and your conversation and expressions will reflect the type of person that anyone would call awesome!

3. Keep reaching forward. Keep growing. I used to grow a considerable amount of house plants. Then somehow my life grew too busy and complicated to proper take care of them, so I downsized! Right now I only have two plants in the house, and both of them are pot-bound. Have you ever seen a plant that had outgrown its pot? It’s not a pretty sight. If you keep a plant in the same pot, year after year, the roots have no where to go and it makes growing and thriving almost impossible for the plant. You can tell right away because the leaves are dull and of course there’s little or no change in the plant.

This is what happens to us when we stop growing. We become dull and lifeless. If you want to be awesome – you must make sure you are always learning, always growing, and always expanding your reach. Awesome people always have something new to talk about, they learn things, they experience new things, and because of this, they are more interesting to others.

As you can see, being awesome is pretty simple. Make sure your attitude is properly expressed on the outside, assume rapport with others, and continue to grow!

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Life Sucks. Then you Die.

Filed Under: Finances, Life, Parenting
Feb.01, 2010

Have you ever thought that about your life? Most of us probably go through streaks of bad luck which makes us think that life sucks, but it’s usually a short lived experience then we get on to the business of living a good life. But what if you have felt that way for as long as you can remember? What if you often ask yourself, “What’s the point?” Or what if you just feel bored with your life?

If you have to ask yourself what’s the point of living, then you really are missing the point. The point to living is ENJOY it!

I can already hear the protests: you don’t understand!

  • I have a terrible job!

  • I’m fat and can’t lose weight!

  • My husband and I don’t get along!

  • I’m broke or I just lost my job!

  • My kids are driving me crazy – they are out of control!

It seems the excuses for not enjoying life are endless for some people. So, what can you do about it if you find yourself not enjoying life?

First, you must come to some sort of resolution that you are the creator of your life. If you continue to think you are a victim and therefore powerless over your circumstances, you will remain in your miserable mental prison. Every aspect about your life right NOW is a result of past decisions, habits, thinking, and behavior. Therefore, if you want TOMORROW to be different, you must change things TODAY! Let’s take a look at what you can do now to change your whatever is making you not enjoy life.

Let’s say you are feeling financially pressured. This is a category where you have a ton of choices which all can lead to a better picture tomorrow. First of all, you can take control of your finances by creating a budget and sticking with it. Mark has some great posts and resources available for this. Next, you could take a look at how much you earn, decide how much more would make your life comfortable, then figure out how to get it. Let’s say you earn $50,000 per year but you decide it would be much better if you could earn $65,000. You need an additional $15K, so how can you get it? The first stop should be your employer – ask them what it would take for you to make that much more money. If they say it’s impossible – perhaps looking for another job should be something you look into. Or maybe you can look outside your job to find another source of income – such as freelancing or a part time job somewhere.

Perhaps your finances are ok, but your children are driving you crazy! You feel overwhelmed by the chaos in your home. Here is a suggestion which you may have never considered – take a parenting course! What? You want me to let someone else tell me how to raise my kids? No way! That is generally the attitude parents take when offered parenting tips, advice or education. They seem to think that their ability to procreate and spit out a baby automatically gives them credentials to properly parent the child. Or they think that love alone is going to save the day. I’m always amazed at how offended people get when it is suggested they are going about parenting and disciplining the wrong way. I suppose they think they have faulty children instead of their approach to them being less than ideal.

Then there are other excuses people use to feel miserable which really can’t be changed. Some have been hurt, abused, taken advantage of, or maybe born into a bad family situation. You know what, you still have a choice. Do you want to wallow in the past or enjoy life in the present? As cold as it sounds, the answer to some of your problems may be simply – “Get over it.” “Move on.” “Forget it.” Or better yet, “forgive.”

The point is, whether or not you enjoy life is solely up to you. You have the power to change most aspects of your life and the things you can’t change can never stand in your way of happiness. Happiness is a decision, much like love is. No one or nothing can MAKE you choose unhappiness. The choice is yours – choose wisely.

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